I like to play with fire, dance on the boundaries. I thought about breaking up with Pablo, even though I cared so much for him, you have to cut your hair before it can grow again. But, I decided against it. Me, nope, I'm not a careful girl, which is a valuable quality that I lack since I am currently suffering heartbreak, a tragic disease that infects the brain and heart. That night, I created a fake email. I asked Pablo if he still liked Bella, me. He answered but it wasn't what I was hoping. He was trying to figure out who it was. He asked me who it was, but I couldn't tell him it was me... it would ruin our... relationship. I told him that I really couldn't tell him. This went on for about 2 hours. Nick told me that it was okay to lie and tell Pablo that it was him. Nick is ALWAYS there for me.  Just as I typed "compose", I got an email from Pablo saying, "I knew you weren't gonna tell me." NOT LIKE HIM. He would put a face or something like lol. Yep, worst luck, right? But I told him anyways. It seemed that he didn't like me anymore, and I had to ask what he would do if I broke up with him. He said, "Oh, you just wanna be friends, right? Well answer that tomorrow i gtg" After that road bump, everything went downhill. I was the one who would email last. I was desperate, so I asked Zania to ask Pablo my questions. She agreed. But if I knew what she would've done, I could've waited. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Here's the convo:
Bella: cannn u ask him if he likes olivia and if he stilllll like meeeee?
Zania: ya sure
Bella: thnnnnnxx!
Bella: cuz it seeems like he likes her!
Zania: o
Bella: yahhh and it feeeeels awkward like yah
Zania: no he doesnt like her
Bella: r u sure?
Zania: ya im talking to hiim right now on the phone
Bella: ohhhhhh
Zania: ya
Bella: does he still <3 me'?
Zania: ya
Bella: ohhhhhh yay! it doesnt seem like it.... can u ask him why he flirts with her all the time? srry
Bella: lol
Zania: stop asking all these questions
Bella: lol hahaha srrrry
Zania: thats wat he told me to tell u
Bella: hahah
Bella: WAIT OMGG HE KNOWS IM ASKING THEM?
Zania: ya
Bella: oh darn it
Bella: he couldve lied
Bella: cuzz of course hed say he liked me and not liked olivia if he knew i was askinggg.....
Zania: u dont trust him ?
Bella: well he lies a lot, like thats what he said last time with clara
Bella: and if he knew i was asking of course hes not gonna say that he doesnt like mee......
Zania: u prob. shouldnt b dating him if u dont trust him
Bella: i knowww, but its just that last time...
Bella: S***
Bella: he just sent me an email that said "if u dont trust me u shouldnt date me"
Bella: **** im not responding
Bella: **** u told him that...
Bella: OMG is this zania?

Friends betray. Enemies stab. And love hurts... Here's the convo that ended it all...
Ok well first of all, I can't tell you how creeped out I was when I got these emails that overlapped with Zania's conversation. How can distorted people end such beauty as love in the end?
Well anyways, here it is... It brings pain

Pablo: if you dont trust me you shoudnt date me
Pablo: i just found out ur not responding
Bella: well i was telling one of my friends that the last time u said the same exact thing andd... yeahh.... it wasnt true
Pablo: ok then u cant trust me... 
Bella: should i trust u?
Pablo: thats your choice, but i guess since you cant trust me now, you dont want to date me.
Bella: thats not true! i care, thats all
Bella: just last time u did lie to me...
Pablo: just by saying that i can tell you dont trust me anymore. And all of your friends keep on telling me the same thing over and over again. Especially because I heard one of your conversations word by word and it sounded like you really thought i was a liar.
Bella: ?? what conversationzz? which friendz? trust doesnt come free, u have to earn your trust... but u should hear the things people tell ME its probably a lot worse
Bella: and i do STILL trust u even wat they said.... cuz it was bad and probably true, but i believe uu......
Pablo: Doubt it.
Bella: i don't lie
Bella: but remember this?

"She wont lie to you, but kenneth will, he told me after school that he just assumed from what we were saying that we liked eachother, but epwe dont, i dont like clara as anything more than a friend, and she doesnt like me mor thn a friend either" u told me this and it was a lie.. and its hard for me 2 trust cuz everyone always liez

Pablo: I knew that she wasn't going to date me either way. She hated me, and my proof is that she ignores me, EVERY DAY, and you have no idea how that feels. I was happy just being her friend, I admit, we wanted to be more than friends, but not anymore. Everyone started annoying BOTH of us. But whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe we shouldn't date, well not maybe, we shoudn't, because I know you don't trust me.

Bella: um we were dating when u said that- ok fine if u feel that way cuz i know i dont... and btw i do, i know how it feels

Pablo: Well I do. 

Bella: ok fine then.... say it cuz i cant stand to... it will just hurt too much

Pablo: Bella, were over:/ sorry

 

 yeah SURE he was sorry, I wanted to make him feel sorry for what he just did to me, but it was Zania's ******* fault. See, this is how dangerous people are. Destroying true love, backstabbing their friends! I was disgusted, but... heartbroken. And how DARE he say that I don't know how it feels. He had backstabbed me so many times before, I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists when I read that.   

 

One more thing... I think this is the most BEAUTIFUL paragraph I ever read in my life. I was crying when I read it... because of how true it was. And I read it everyday, EVERYDAY, and I think about him ALL THE TIME, ALL MY ******** time. I could've forgotten him and moved on but I didn't. I CHOSE to stay. I like the way it hurts... not EMO or anything but, I didn't want him to be with ANY other girl but me. I am selfish... but if he broke someone's heart, I wanted it to be mine... 

 

Mackenzie wrote this, 30 minutes before.. Pablo, you know...

 "Pablo, I doubt you'll ever read this. Ever. But if you do.. If you're reading it right now.. Right this very second, Bella is thinking of you. I know, you might just blow this off, and just find it annoying, trust me, I don't want to annoy you, but you're all she thinks about now days. She goes frantic everyday, maybe she gets a bit jealous. But why? Why does she do this? Because she cares. She never wants to lose you to another girl, because the spaces in between her fingers are where yours are meant to fit. Just think about it. And when you look at her, and ever wonder if you cross her mind. All the times you're not looking, she's looking at you. All the times you're not thinking of her, she's thinking of you. Because Pablo, you may not see it in your eyes, but you mean the world to her... She needs you. "

One last thing, I PROMISE.

WOULD YOU BREAK UP WITH ME IF YOU GOT THAT? IT BROKE MY ******** HEART READING THAT. THAT'S HOW TRUE IT IS, WORD FOR WORD. 

But did he still?

You already know the answer.