That night, Fred started texting me. We texted past midnight, I'm sorry but, he's so boring and I fell asleep. I felt sorta bad but... oh well... He asked who I liked, and I've always hated telling people my secrets, but there was something about him that made me think I could trust him. So, I just told him the three people on my top list, which he was on... . He replied, "I like u and caroline." Then later that night he asked me if I would say yes if he asked me out, I said, "Yes, but I'll have to think about it." The day after, what d'ya know, he asked me out!! I know you guys might think I'm a player and stuff but, this guy was really nice and he cared for me. He said this, "Hey ok soo I think ur a really great girl ur pretty, u have a great personality so i wanted to know if u wanted to go out with me" Before I answered, apparently his iPod got taken away so he did not see my happy "yes". So guess who emailed me. Yep, If you guessed Pablo, you got it right. I was still happy I got an email from Pablo! And then I realized, if I dated Fred, Pablo would think I moved on and didn't like him anymore, but I liked both of them. So maybe we could be friends! This conversation was very important, well sorta...  I started our new friendship. I'm a girl, I hold grudges :) Pablo, it's on.


Pablo: Even if I don't want to talk to u right now, I need to ask you something. Do u like cole, cuz he really likes u.
Me: why should i tell u? im a fucking bitchh right?
Me: Well fine, even if i did, why do u wanna know
Pablo: To help him
Pablo: Please answer, I'm sorry about everything I just need an answer or him, he REALLY likes you, Bella, and he's a nice guy, not like me
Me: You used to be nice... ok fine i do....
Pablo: What was the answer to his question?
Me: I already told him!
Pablo: He got his iPad taken away right before you answered, just tell me was it yes or no?
Me: oh kk, fine -grrr i dont wannna tell YOU
Me: itll ruin the moment
Pablo: Listen I just want to say I'm sorry for everything:/ I was stupid in saying all of those things.. I was just angry, and I don't know my good reason to be mad
Pablo: Please just hurry, he really want to know
Pablo: Just tell me Bella! Yes  or  no
Me: fine yes
Me: omg y did i tell u!
Pablo: Thank you
Me: not welcome
Pablo: Lol because you trust me;D
Pablo: Fuck you:) lol jk
Me:idk it RUINED the moment!!!   grrr :P   
Me: now what makes u think that?
Pablo: Lol because you told me
Me: OH MI GAWD! u didnt tell him!!! ur just like a sneaky little guy that just wanted to know! oh i see how it is!
Me: soo! i regret a LOT of things i say- i just felt bad, damn im a softie :(
Pablo: Yes I did!! He just confessed to lying to you because he wanted to hear it for himself I PRMISE!! Ugh im never trusting him again
Pablo: Lol y do you regret them!?
Me: well u sill RUINED the moment
Me: idk cuz i say stupid things sometimezz! and sometimes i say things that i DONT mean! but i hate telling other people my secrets
Pablo: Lol you do realize yesterday he liked Kelly, then he found out that I'm dating her and switched to u and darcie
Me: oh well lol!
Pablo: lol y?
Me: wait why what?
Pablo: IKR!!
Me: oh GOD ur confusing! do you know what u just said????????????????? ok so u said "lol y" and i was like "wait y what" and u said "ikr" ok WAT DO U MEAN
Me: how does kelly know that fred and i r dating?
Pablo: Lol I was fuckig joking, I like Kelly, but obviously she like eduardo
Pablo:  I told her.. Is that bad... You two are A HAPPY COUPOLERRRRRR 
Me: no... but once kelly knows, EVERYONE knows

I regret not fighting and just giving in... and I doubt he's sorry. Then he told me he likes Kelly. Which killed my heart a little on the inside. I should've been rude to him instead of laughing and being nice. But that's how I kill people... with kindness.

and notice he capitalized my name :)

Of course, that day, I got an email from Pablo telling me to "Tell your stupid little friend to stop emailing me. He/she is getting REALLY ANNOYING. And iM guessing it's nick or you."
This time, I was mature enough to not respond. Then, it seemed like he wanted me to respond, he forwarded me part of 'their' convo. :) I played dumb, "What the hell is this??" He told me to put a stop to it, expecting I had power. Well, I could if I wanted to but I acted like I couldn't and said that I would try, but I asked him why I had to do it. He friggin blamed it on me and told me that it was my fault that these messages were sent to him. Well, it really was my fault but remember, "i didn't do it". So I had to act like I didn't.

Then, I got an email from Fred.... "stop ur fucking annoying" Pablo had gotten onto Fred's email and manually sent that email himself... oh wait a minute, let's backtrack here...didn't he say something like this, "I don't need a secret contact to do things" Well, what did he just do?


What had Pablo done now? He messed with the wrong girl and I started acting all b****y and stuff. The next few lines, I'll post on here... I was so mad at him for telling me these things... as if everything is always MY fault.

Me: Why are you so mean all of the sudden? If you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all! I think I was drunk our WHOLE relationship...
Pablo: That is a line for 5 year olds. Correction. 2 year olds. Do you think I am stupid enough to talk do someone like you! Yes or no question. Btw I hope everything goes well with nick;) 
Pablo: Anyone can ask, not everybody is stupid enough to answer  
Me: nvr mind ill find someone like uuuuu.... and STOMP on them and what the hell
Me: FYI Nickis just my bestie. At least he doesn't treat me like you do.
Pablo: Stomp on them. That show how much of a fucking bitch u r
Pablo: Whatever, he's just trying to get with you
Me: LANGUAGE!!! omg do u WANT to get stomped??? well who cares, cuz i wont treat him bad since im a GOOD person
Pablo: Language. At least I can speak English unlike you. <_>
Me:  u know what? call me a b*tch and ill show u one
Me: what the hell? i can speak english....at least im not mean like u
Pablo: I've already seen it:P
Pablo:  Omg. I can't believe u just said that. U r totally mean to everyone. Even ur own friends have noticed it
Pablo: Whatever I am tired of wasting my time talking to someone like you. Goodbye... bitch..(whisper)
Me: like who? ur just saying that, well ur wasting MY LIFE ...so u know what im not that immature like u and i dont have 2 call people bad words just 2 feel good, badbye
Me: how am i a fucking bitch, i didnt do anything to you!


*end of convo*
Can you believe this?

Where am I? Oh yeah, bRoKeN.
Well, I was broken but, how would you feel after getting these emails?
Using the fake email, I questioned Pablo, who really outsmarted himself in the end. :)
But, I was depressed. 7 BILLION people in the world and yet I let ONE, ONE small little person bring me down....
*note: kelly is one of the populars, the one who told me about the stares
heres the convo:

Me (fake email): you HURT her! but i guess you just dont care, cuz shes just another stupid girl, right?
Pablo: Get out of my life
Me: I will but its true and you know it
Pablo: Whatever, I'm guessing whoever this is has no life:P Only because anyone who obeys her, has no life
Me: that's not true, u just dont wanna get beat by ur ex
Pablo: Beat, if anything I beat her. I dumped her. And I'm happy. I left her for someone else, someone who doesn't need a secret contact to ask me all the questions she needs the answers to. Listen I love talkin to your bitch ass, but if this is Bella, I just want you to know that if you are behind this you a fucking whore. Bye:)))
Me: are you kidding me? she sent this email to mackenzie 5 days ago! 'i think i might break up with him. right now.'
Pablo: Whatever, at least I did it first. In the end I won the game. She thought about winning, but she lost; fuck you:) if this is nick, you r my friend, but u r a NO LIFE when it comes to Bella and Mackenzie, accept the fact you aren't winning her over 
Me: just because she didn't wanna hurt u... shes the REAL winner in this game
Pablo: win or lose, Im happier without her
Me: shes better without u, she was too good for you, admit it
Pablo: that is the most stupid comeback :P
Me: well at least its true
Pablo: No, I don't need a little stuck up bitch to be happy. She's nothing compared to clara or kelly
Pablo: Maybe. But I don't give a shit about her anymore, this little fight, isn't worth it
Me: shes a fighter and wont go down without one... and its sad cuz she used to give a shit about u too
Pablo: Honestly, i never gave a shit about her and youre just gonna have to deal with that
Me: She is stronger than u think... never underestimate her
Pablo: WHOOPS i just did :P bye
Me: Shes coming, sweet sweet revenge
Me: im pretty sure she likes me...she gave me more hugs than u when u guys were dating
Pablo: Then she is a slut. Or a whore. Either way, nick you are a fcuking idiot 
Me: Or she just had a friend she could rely on since she could never rely on u
Pablo: You just admitted who you are by saying she hugged you. I'm going to email mackenzie a little message for you really quick ;)
Me: You are really stupid and Bella is always gonna be better than u... shes winning by a mile
Pablo: Yeah but lets face it, without her, you are nothing, this conversation is nothing
Pablo: A mile isn't much when I'm the happy one in the end
Me: How do you know? Shes strong and she'll come back even harder
Me: You will not be happy for long
Pablo: Sureeeee, whatever u say

So, a ******* w****, right? Well, Pablo, tell me... what did I ever do to you? Oh, by the way, for the audience, sorry for all the language, I decided that if I put up the conversation, I should put up the exact words. Stuck up b****, huh yeah that's funny too, because the last time I checked, I was the one helping people, helping you... Before you criticize others, though, take a DAMN good look in the mirror, cuz honey, you ain't perfect. Next word: s***... wow, I'm the one that didn't want to kiss... but I'm glad we never did because I would just always regret it in the end.

And yes, I could rely on Nick. I always hugged him when I was sad, when I needed a hug... He is ALWAYS there for me. But Pablo is really stupid. This really was me and he thought it was Nick, because I brought up the hugs...
But even though you had done all this to me... it still wasn't enough for my heart.
Now, here's my top 3 list. 
1. Pablo
2. Ethan
3. Fred




So, Pablo, sweetie, if you ever read this, and you know who you are, I want to thank you... Thanks for teaching me who NOT to trust, thanks for showing me how people turn into the person they'd say they'd never be, thanks for showing me that people don't always care when they say they do... thanks for breaking my heart.

I like to play with fire, dance on the boundaries. I thought about breaking up with Pablo, even though I cared so much for him, you have to cut your hair before it can grow again. But, I decided against it. Me, nope, I'm not a careful girl, which is a valuable quality that I lack since I am currently suffering heartbreak, a tragic disease that infects the brain and heart. That night, I created a fake email. I asked Pablo if he still liked Bella, me. He answered but it wasn't what I was hoping. He was trying to figure out who it was. He asked me who it was, but I couldn't tell him it was me... it would ruin our... relationship. I told him that I really couldn't tell him. This went on for about 2 hours. Nick told me that it was okay to lie and tell Pablo that it was him. Nick is ALWAYS there for me.  Just as I typed "compose", I got an email from Pablo saying, "I knew you weren't gonna tell me." NOT LIKE HIM. He would put a face or something like lol. Yep, worst luck, right? But I told him anyways. It seemed that he didn't like me anymore, and I had to ask what he would do if I broke up with him. He said, "Oh, you just wanna be friends, right? Well answer that tomorrow i gtg" After that road bump, everything went downhill. I was the one who would email last. I was desperate, so I asked Zania to ask Pablo my questions. She agreed. But if I knew what she would've done, I could've waited. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Here's the convo:
Bella: cannn u ask him if he likes olivia and if he stilllll like meeeee?
Zania: ya sure
Bella: thnnnnnxx!
Bella: cuz it seeems like he likes her!
Zania: o
Bella: yahhh and it feeeeels awkward like yah
Zania: no he doesnt like her
Bella: r u sure?
Zania: ya im talking to hiim right now on the phone
Bella: ohhhhhh
Zania: ya
Bella: does he still <3 me'?
Zania: ya
Bella: ohhhhhh yay! it doesnt seem like it.... can u ask him why he flirts with her all the time? srry
Bella: lol
Zania: stop asking all these questions
Bella: lol hahaha srrrry
Zania: thats wat he told me to tell u
Bella: hahah
Bella: WAIT OMGG HE KNOWS IM ASKING THEM?
Zania: ya
Bella: oh darn it
Bella: he couldve lied
Bella: cuzz of course hed say he liked me and not liked olivia if he knew i was askinggg.....
Zania: u dont trust him ?
Bella: well he lies a lot, like thats what he said last time with clara
Bella: and if he knew i was asking of course hes not gonna say that he doesnt like mee......
Zania: u prob. shouldnt b dating him if u dont trust him
Bella: i knowww, but its just that last time...
Bella: S***
Bella: he just sent me an email that said "if u dont trust me u shouldnt date me"
Bella: **** im not responding
Bella: **** u told him that...
Bella: OMG is this zania?

Friends betray. Enemies stab. And love hurts... Here's the convo that ended it all...
Ok well first of all, I can't tell you how creeped out I was when I got these emails that overlapped with Zania's conversation. How can distorted people end such beauty as love in the end?
Well anyways, here it is... It brings pain

Pablo: if you dont trust me you shoudnt date me
Pablo: i just found out ur not responding
Bella: well i was telling one of my friends that the last time u said the same exact thing andd... yeahh.... it wasnt true
Pablo: ok then u cant trust me... 
Bella: should i trust u?
Pablo: thats your choice, but i guess since you cant trust me now, you dont want to date me.
Bella: thats not true! i care, thats all
Bella: just last time u did lie to me...
Pablo: just by saying that i can tell you dont trust me anymore. And all of your friends keep on telling me the same thing over and over again. Especially because I heard one of your conversations word by word and it sounded like you really thought i was a liar.
Bella: ?? what conversationzz? which friendz? trust doesnt come free, u have to earn your trust... but u should hear the things people tell ME its probably a lot worse
Bella: and i do STILL trust u even wat they said.... cuz it was bad and probably true, but i believe uu......
Pablo: Doubt it.
Bella: i don't lie
Bella: but remember this?

"She wont lie to you, but kenneth will, he told me after school that he just assumed from what we were saying that we liked eachother, but epwe dont, i dont like clara as anything more than a friend, and she doesnt like me mor thn a friend either" u told me this and it was a lie.. and its hard for me 2 trust cuz everyone always liez

Pablo: I knew that she wasn't going to date me either way. She hated me, and my proof is that she ignores me, EVERY DAY, and you have no idea how that feels. I was happy just being her friend, I admit, we wanted to be more than friends, but not anymore. Everyone started annoying BOTH of us. But whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe we shouldn't date, well not maybe, we shoudn't, because I know you don't trust me.

Bella: um we were dating when u said that- ok fine if u feel that way cuz i know i dont... and btw i do, i know how it feels

Pablo: Well I do. 

Bella: ok fine then.... say it cuz i cant stand to... it will just hurt too much

Pablo: Bella, were over:/ sorry

 

 yeah SURE he was sorry, I wanted to make him feel sorry for what he just did to me, but it was Zania's ******* fault. See, this is how dangerous people are. Destroying true love, backstabbing their friends! I was disgusted, but... heartbroken. And how DARE he say that I don't know how it feels. He had backstabbed me so many times before, I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists when I read that.   

 

One more thing... I think this is the most BEAUTIFUL paragraph I ever read in my life. I was crying when I read it... because of how true it was. And I read it everyday, EVERYDAY, and I think about him ALL THE TIME, ALL MY ******** time. I could've forgotten him and moved on but I didn't. I CHOSE to stay. I like the way it hurts... not EMO or anything but, I didn't want him to be with ANY other girl but me. I am selfish... but if he broke someone's heart, I wanted it to be mine... 

 

Mackenzie wrote this, 30 minutes before.. Pablo, you know...

 "Pablo, I doubt you'll ever read this. Ever. But if you do.. If you're reading it right now.. Right this very second, Bella is thinking of you. I know, you might just blow this off, and just find it annoying, trust me, I don't want to annoy you, but you're all she thinks about now days. She goes frantic everyday, maybe she gets a bit jealous. But why? Why does she do this? Because she cares. She never wants to lose you to another girl, because the spaces in between her fingers are where yours are meant to fit. Just think about it. And when you look at her, and ever wonder if you cross her mind. All the times you're not looking, she's looking at you. All the times you're not thinking of her, she's thinking of you. Because Pablo, you may not see it in your eyes, but you mean the world to her... She needs you. "

One last thing, I PROMISE.

WOULD YOU BREAK UP WITH ME IF YOU GOT THAT? IT BROKE MY ******** HEART READING THAT. THAT'S HOW TRUE IT IS, WORD FOR WORD. 

But did he still?

You already know the answer.